Find yourself again
Find yourself again
Dr. Rishi Vyas
Just say the word “single” and your listeners will probably make a quick mental leap to many tags, and advised like you why he is single, bachelorette, you should get married, question on their character etc. However I happen to witness one such patient, and it was a touching experience.
I had a patient aged 50 years, who came for consultation around mid December 2015. He had many complaints, few to mention- urine incontinence, acid reflux, constipation, recurrent throat infection, boils etc. As the case proceeded apart from the many physical complaints which he was suffering from, he was also depressed and scared. He narrated that he was all alone living by himself. His parents died when he was in his 20’s and the rest of his family members moved abroad.
Initially he was busy his in career, but later when he wanted to get settled in life it was too late and he could not find companionship. There were many problems and difficult situations that he went through, which had affected him deeply amongst them the deepest was his parents being no more.
This had a big impact on him. He lost interest in life after which he started remaining alone in his room for long hours. He interacted less with people. Being like this he had made his life listless and everything for him was tormenting, there was no looking in life. It was a very tough situation which he had been going through and to express that to someone was all the more tough, because he had no one to confide in. He did not have motivation or initiation to do anything. To add all this he also suffered from intense panic attacks, the experience of which for him was suffocating. He described it as all was coming to an end, it was all dark, and death was enveloping him. On the other side he also had intense anger, with a feeling to destroy everything. Sometimes in desperation he would get thoughts of ending his life.
This had a deep impact on his social and personal life. He was unable to connect to people, to accept any one in life was not there and at the same time he could not remain alone. He would not go to meet any of his relatives or friends fearing that they should not feel that he was taking advantage and was being a burden on them. So most of the times he would confide in his home.
Everyone perceives reality and experiences it differently, which is very individualistic to that person. Once we understand this, in a case, it helps us to come to a remedy. In this case too, the way he experienced things, his panic, his anger etc, lead me to find a remedy which helped him. But there is also another important aspect to it, which I would like to share, apart from the remedy, the entire process ( in homoepathy there are many methods which helps to understand the deepest core of the person and relate to the subconscious thoughts) which he went through was an awareness within him, as how he was seeing things, which was not so bad. He could now see some brighter side of him, the change in him was dramatic, he came to his original self. He called his family who stayed abroad, and few of them came down to stay with him for few weeks. The next major change he saw was that he started to meet his friends and relatives and he could relate to them. Life was not a burden any more. The thoughts that others would feel that he was taking advantage if he met them etc. did not affect him and did not exist. He now found joy in what he did, he was open for things in life. He started taking things as it came.
Like him there are many others who are alone, sometimes by choice, sometimes because of the circumstances they are in or even when they are with people around they are still alone and depressed. The entire expression comes from this deeper subconscious experience about which they are either not aware or they do not want to accept it, so they refuse to seek help.
Expressing oneself and sharing is very important, men are less expressive and most of the time it is also a reflection of the way they are brought up, that they need to be strong, confident and stoic. They begin to equate emotions with weakness. But we need to understand that they are equally human with immense emotions and sensitivity like women. Just that they do not weep easily like women, does not mean they are hard hearted.
Men have much harder time processing their feelings. Societal expectations have “taught” men not to display any emotions. This becomes a huge problem in relationships because men suppress their feelings since they tend not to have socially acceptable emotional outlets which leads to deeper health issues and emotional instability which they all understand as a superficial problem and treat it with medicines rather than getting to the cause of it and eradicating it from the system.
This situation gets worse when they are single and there is nobody to hear them out. It is as if they are lost in their life and there is nothing to look up to.
The world is now getting educated and even more concerned about staying healthy. Thus to all those who are reading this I would like to share a piece of thought from within my heart which will reach your heart, “A healthy mind shapes a healthy body”.
Find joy in what you are doing, there are many things in life where you can contribute to make living more meaningful. When we start living, everything becomes home and the world becomes family. There is a deeper connection with all and there is no sense of isolation or abandonment felt.
“Connect with yourself within you and you will connect to the world out”
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